Moving Forward

Hey guys,
I've moved on.

http://movingforward-pauline.blogspot.com/

Moving too fast

What inspired me for this post title is actually the header for my friend's blog Moving Too Fast. Do check it out, she has really fantastic writings, however, don't listen to a word she says.

So why moving too fast? Probably because I'm too slow. What is moving too fast? Well, life is. Moving too fast because of the changes that are taking place. Well, for me, I came to realize that politics are not really pathetic or or waste of time like how I used to think. 

GE-13 is tomorrow and I've been warned to stay at home by my overly-concerned parents and stock up our food cupboard as things are going to be different this year. To the Malaysians citizens who are going to do their duty tomorrow, stay safe. As for me and the others who are below 21, don't be too upset because you are forced to be a bystander. I understand the feeling of helplessness when you are eager to do something, desperate for your voice to be heard but your mouth is taped shut with words UNDER 21, sucks really.

However in darkness there is always light. Do check out this website U21M. Hope it gives you a little comfort. If it's not enough, you could always pray and be comforted by the Almighty.

Those who are legible, Vote Wisely.

First update on 2013

The last post I ever wrote for this blog is way back at 2011. My sincere apologies for my neglect to this blog for more than a year. Things has changed a lot since then, so how I am going to update this blog is going to be different. Contents, images and my writing would not be the same as before cause if it is, it means i never grew up.

And no, please don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean my blog is going to be all serious and boring. However if that is your thing, you can get all that stuff off by reading your history text book. If you had been following my blog (in which i doubt not many followers anyway), you would have noticed the things I've posted before, it was really more of a diary. Now, reading back what I wrote in the past years makes me want to close and laptop, lie face down on the floor and cry out "Why..". This is how people change I guess. As you grow,your body age and your mentality change.

As I've mentioned earlier, many things has change which i will update it right here. At the mean time, i will promise to keep this blog alive and interesting, at the same time, this is a great platform in practicing my writing.

Till then!

Pau.

How things could be brighter.

Okay. I am going to try this again. To write (or type) something.
Honestly, I have loads of ideas and stuff on my mind which i would love to pour out but i find that putting it down in pen (or typing in down) is rather difficult for me. Maybe it's just because it's not my way of expressing it? Another reasons is I am afraid I am being judged by my writing. But i guess i can't avoid that. People have different views, ideas and perspectives. For example, Robbin Hood steals from the rich to give to the poor. To some people, he's a thief a criminal. While there are others who thinks he's a hero.
You just can't please everyone.

So just be who you are.

Because of Love

Guitar caused my fingers skin peeling.
Volleyball caused bruises on my arms.

But i don't mind. All because i love them.


Jesus got whipped, flogged and crucified.
He did it because he LOVES us.

I will survive!

Exam week.

Picture speaks a thousand words.

However this one spoke 982 words. Not exactly a thousand but at least it is close right?

Anyway if you have no idea what crap i am posting this time maybe i should explain briefly before you read the content.

Basically, My college had a photo exhibition and my most beloved lecturer decided that it would be fun if his students have a conversation with the pictures in the exhibition and then come up with a 800 words essay about the picture which speaks to you. So here is my essay about a picture of a dock and the sea. ps. sorry my england not so powderful yet so please mind my grammar... >.<''

It was soon my turn to take the stage as another contestant bow and bid the judges thanks and apologies for the mistakes made during his speech. The whole time I found myself asking in my mind “What am I doing here?” and then a little voice in my head would reply and tease me “To lose and to embarrass yourself in this competition.” I clenched my fist tightly as the contestant make his way from the stage to the bottom of the stairs. I was shaking nervously as they called another contestant up the stage to present his speech and very soon it will be my turn to take the stage. “Why did I even bother to join a public speaking competition when I can’t even speak without ever feeling nervous in front of a small crowd?”, I found myself asking. I played with my fingers as the speaker gave his brilliant speech. Every point and fact seemed to be so wise and every word that came out of his mouth are so intelligent. So many things went on in my mind as one contestant after another seem to be giving really intelligent speeches so confidently and as that happens I got more and more intimidated.

The whole time I kept thinking of how I would perform and I kept worrying whether I would get a nervous breakdown as I was in the middle of my speech. I quickly look up and away from my fingers and the speaker on stage to look for something to distract myself before I get a nervous breakdown even before I hit the stage. I look around and I saw my English teacher as she gave me a thumbs up as and her lips moved saying “you can do it!”. Instead of responding her with a smile I quickly look away from her. She is responsible for all these, insisting that I represent my class to a public speaking competition and kept telling me that my speech will definitely be the best when other contestants seemed to be doing a trillion times better than me. When I was still in the middle of cursing my teacher for practically forcing me into this competition the next thing I heard was applause and the emcee stood up to speak. “Thank you to our contestant number 21 for his amazing speech. Now we would like to invite contestant number 22, Pauline Tan from class 5 Meranti to present her speech entitled…”.Everything else was a blur, the next thing I remember was that I got out of my seat a took a few steps forward towards to stage but then quickly change my direction and headed towards the exit. I went as far as possible from my school hall where the public speaking competition was held. I continued walking until I was unable to hear the blaring speaker of the emcee calling out my name.

That was two years ago when fear has caused me to run out of my school hall to avoid speaking to the public.Thinking of it now just makes me blush with embarrassment. My cowardly act of running away when I could have just tried. I still remember that day when I sat on my seat waiting for my turn to arrive to present my speech I desperately wished to be back to my class at the comfort of my own seat instead of having to be a nervous wreck in my school hall. I admit that I have stage frights and that running away seemed to be a good solution to calming my nerves. Now I felt rather ashamed of what I had done and there’s this feeling of regret where I thought I could have just tried even if I gave a horrible speech and turned out to be the worst contestant of the day but at least I could say that I tried. Then my English teacher would have come up to me and pat me on my shoulder and say that I did okay or well done instead of being disappointed that all her effort of encouraging me and helping me prepare for the competition gone a waste.

The fact that I rather stay on the fishermen’s dock and to catch a few fish with a fishing rod than to sail out to the sea where I could catch hundreds with a fishing net. All it takes is a little effort to build a boat and get out into the sea out of my comfort zone but because I was afraid and I chose to run, to stay on the fishermen’s dock where everything seems to be safe. It is fear that stopped me from doing anything, my teacher had help me build a boat and ensure that I was ready to sail but when look out to the sea I was unsure of what I would face and fear made me stay where I am placed, my comfort zone. Now if I could rewind time I would stepped into the boat and sail into the sea no matter if I would catch a huge amount of fish or come back empty handed at least I took the first step to facing my fears. Albert Einstein said that time travelling is possible but unfortunately he didn’t manage to invent a time machine before he was 6 feet under.

In the end, I took it as a lesson and I am happy to say that I am braver now at getting out of my comfort zone and do something different or challenging. Thought at times I would feel afraid and at times the little voice in my head would tease me and tell me that i couldn’t do it but thinking of what happened two years ago actually motivates me for I don’t want to end up regretting that I didn’t try.